Wednesday, August 12, 2015


My number one, least favorite things in the world are this:




Disregard for others

Hatred towards anyone for anything




In my posts so far, I am generally peasant. There was one where I was pretty pointed with my opinion, but I did my best to be respectful. Sorry if it wasn’t respectful enough. But if you’ve been with me thus far, you know that I am an incredibly passionate person (Duh, you don’t have to repeat it every five minutes). I’m also very reserved when it comes to sharing my opinions on matters. Or you may think I am.

In my first blog post I said that I get so passionate about things that it leaves me emotionally and physically exhausted, and I have to get my thoughts out or else they’ll eat at me. I’m not kidding about the physically exhausted part. I was writing my thoughts about something the other day, and I was shaking. When I was talking about it with my family, my voice was shaking. I’m not going to expound on what it is, because all that will do is get me angry and I don’t want to be angry. At the end of the day, my opinion is just as valuable as those of which I disagree.

But when I see a stab at someone on Facebook I feel it. Whenever someone demeans another I feel it. Whenever they pass wrongful judgement I feel it. When someone goes ahead and attacks Christians and calls them “insane?” It’s a stab to the heart. When someone accuses Democrats of something, I feel just as hurt as if they were accusing Republicans. Even as I’m sitting here writing, my whole body is shaking with sorrow and hurt; that’s just a part of my personality. I feel things on such a deep level, it takes a lot out of me. I promise this is the only time I’m ever going to get as upset as I am right now. I am just sick and tired of everyone arguing.

We have a right to disagree.

We do NOT have ANY right WHATSOEVER to be disagreeable. Just because you can say something doesn’t mean you should. It is not your constitutional right to decide what is to be done with a man who shot a lion. What he did was wrong, but it is not up to you to ruin his life, his family’s lives, and the lives those who worked for him.

We must, without a doubt, stand up for what we believe in. But it is possible to do that without belittling one another. You want to put the rainbow in your profile picture to show your support for gay marriage? I will respect your civil statement that you believe in and stand for something. I will not look at that and think any less of you. As far as I’m concerned, we are good friends; I say that with the utmost sincerity. What I will not support is personalized attacks on people or groups of people. I think what we need to realize is that by doing that, we are accusing every single person that is affiliated with that group. I don’t think we realize the affect our written and spoken words have on people; they genuinely hurt, and that’s not okay. I swear, if I see one more disrespectful post about republicans or democrats, I’mma start unfriending people. I can’t willingly go to Facebook if I know that all I’m going to see is battlegrounds for a war between political and religious parties.

This is not what this country fought for. We did not fight for the right to belittle someone. People did not risk their lives just so we could go on hating each other. This country was fought for so we could have the right to stand for something we believe in and not fear for our lives. Can we honestly say that this is the case? Are people not threatened because of their beliefs? Are they not ridiculed and hated simply because their opinions are different?

What I can’t believe is that people are okay with this. They’re okay with the war that’s going on right here on American soil; they may even be encouraging it. When has fighting ever gotten anyone anywhere? Remember the saying, “if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all?” Where did that go? When did people start stepping all over that?

Can you imagine what we as a country could do if we actually tried working together? We might actually be in terrible danger of GETTING somewhere. There is not ONE PERSON on this Earth that can honestly say to me that they feel better when they hate their enemy as opposed to when they love their enemy. It is physically impossible to feel joy from hatred. We aren’t asked to love our enemies because it’s easy; we’re asked because in the long-run, everyone will be happier. So why would we do it? Why would anyone choose hate over love?

I’m sorry if I’m sounding preachy. I’m not trying to put myself on this pedestal; I know I have my flaws. But one thing I can say with confidence is that I will never purposely try to hurt someone. Ever. If I hurt you, then I am genuinely sorry. We can all do more to show more kindness towards one another. I’m positive that it won’t hurt in any way. Change starts with the individual. We have to make a conscious decision to love someone instead of hate them. It seems impossible, but it’s not; if it was, it wouldn’t be asked of us.

Sorry for being a Debbie downer. Most of you know that I’m a pretty pleasant person. But all the negativity I’ve been feeling from every direction is driving me insane, and I felt like I was going to implode if I didn’t say something. So this is me, letting go of that negativity. Here, I’ll even give you a picture of the Redwoods.

Isn’t that better?

On another note, this post has probably been the most emotionally draining. So if you don’t see me for a few days, you’ll know why; I’m okay, just tired.

So please be nice.


Thursday, March 19, 2015

Depression: My Story

I would just like to let y’all know that I am taking a huge risk by talking about this. I’m making myself very vulnerable in hopes that what I have to say could make a difference and I would hope that you’d proceed free of judgement. If you can’t do that then don’t waste your time.



I’ll just come out and say it and not dance around the subject like it’s something to be ashamed of (or like it’s even a surprise anymore).

 I have Major Depressive Disorder.

Now I know what you might be thinking… Why would I disclose this kind of information with pretty much everyone? Isn’t that kind of personal? Ummm, yeah. It is. Regardless of whether you’ve known me my whole life or if you’ve just met me, I would hope that this information wouldn’t make you uncomfortable or scare you away. I’ve been playing with the idea of putting my two cents in on the matter for some time now, and I didn’t know if I would ever come out and admit the reality of my condition, but I can’t really keep my mouth shut about the subject anymore. I’m not saying we should introduce ourselves to others by telling them our problems, but I feel the need to talk about my depression because I see a lot of insensitivity towards those who may harm themselves or even take their own life.

I have four things that I would like to identify as my main purposes. 1) I want to share my story so that you may better understand what it feels like to be depressed. 2) I want you to understand what I’m doing to overcome it. 3) I want to explain the true reality that depression is, as opposed to what you may have thought about it. And 4) I would hope that you would take this information and apply it to your lives.  

Keep in mind that there are different kinds of depression, everyone deals with depression differently, and I really can only speak for myself.

So. Here we go.


I’ve been dealing with depression since high school. Did I know it was depression? No, because it wasn’t as serious. It all started as a lack of motivation, spending weekends in bed all day, and being consumed by self-contempt. I felt like the only thing I was doing was disappointing everyone around me. Multiple times I had been asked by loved ones if I was depressed; I honestly didn’t know. The only thing I knew about depression was that you often needed medication, because all I saw was the commercials. So of course, I didn’t think I had depression. I got past the very dark days, pushed on through, and turned out just fine. I did what is expected of people, to buckle down and deal with your problems head on.

But it just kept coming back. A couple times a year, I’d go through the same routine and quite frankly, it was exhausting.

But during the fall semester of my second year of college, I noticed something was extremely off, even more so than usual. The one thing that came easiest to me (school) was now my most difficult challenge. I couldn’t concentrate in class, focus on my homework, or sleep at night. Eating was optional. Social situations were the biggest struggle, and yet, I wanted to be a part of them so bad. Rooms full of laughter made my hair stand on end, and my whole body felt like it was being scratched from the inside.

The first counselor I met with wondered if it was ADHD since I was so restless, but that just didn’t make sense to me. I didn’t know of any family members that had dealt with ADHD before, and I never had problems with restlessness when I was younger. I had a daily 7:45 class that I had been sleeping through for multiple days, and one morning, after sleeping through it for the millionth time, it hit me like a million ton of bricks. I woke up uttering the words, “I have depression.” By that time, I had almost stopped going to class altogether. It was then that I finally went to a doctor. But just because I started medication didn’t mean that I was all of a sudden healed. I was trying to convince myself that the pain was all in my head but it wasn’t. I think that’s one thing that people forget. Even though it’s totally unreasonable that we feel this way, it doesn’t mean that the pain is completely fake. The sorrow is so real it’s physical.

I wish I could have everyone experience depression for a day and then maybe you’d understand what I’m saying. Some of you do, I’m sure, but I’m sure there are a lot of you who don’t. I’m sure people have tried to explain, but let me have a go at it.

It’s kind of like hell.

Now I’ve never experienced hell, but here’s my theory: The closest thing we have to heaven on earth is the temple. So what’s the closest thing we have to hell on earth? I don’t think it’s a place. I see it as a state; it’s isolation. Isolation from your loved ones, from the things you used to enjoy, and from the person you would like to be. All you can see is the goodness around you but you have no part in it. Everyone is progressing and happy with their lives, and you’re just stuck in a cage, forced to witness it all.

It’s kind of like that.

(Deep breaths. Here we go.)

Hopefully, in sharing my experience you can get a glimpse of what it’s like to be in a depressed mind. I’m going to warn you, it isn’t pretty (and that’s a GROSS understatement), so be prepared.

The best way I can describe depression is by likening it to a friend.

I wake up in the morning to the same daily song of contempt and self-hatred. She’s there, whispering in my ear all my deepest insecurities, reminding me of my incompetence. While I’m in class, she takes complete control of my body; rubbing my arm, piercing my legs from the inside. All the while, she’s still in my head, singing sweet reminders such as, “You are worthless. You are pathetic. You are ugly.” By the end of the day, she’s surpassed the point of whispers and has reached a sound level comparable to that of a howler monkey. I try by way of positive thinking to put an end to her squealing, but am unsuccessful. All I hear is, “You put this on yourself. You want me here; you brought me here. The only reason you’re miserable is because you are lazy, unintelligent, and over-rated. And face it, you like talking to me.” She is right. She is the only one I have to talk to.

But the irony is that you are, in a sense, your “friend.” You are the one telling yourself these things, and yet, you feel so disconnected from yourself that it feels like it’s everyone else that’s telling you this.

In my darkest state, my uselessness was just as much a reality as the fact that the sun will come up in the morning. There will always be seven days in a week, fall will be followed by the desolate winter, and time will continue to pass. Those are concrete realities. There’s no escape from it, just like there’s no escape from the clutches of my own mind. My thoughts were my reality. My mind was the choreographer and I was the dancer.

The only way I could bear to get through the day was by writing down my brutally honest feelings and thoughts. So let me share with you some excerpts from by far my most painful journal entry.

“I stop telling people things because they just want me fixed. Guess what? I want me fixed too. More than you do, in fact. I too get sick of hearing my own problems. I get sick of it more than you do, I guarantee you.”

“The second someone says ‘do you want my advice?’ I shut down. No, I don’t want your advice because I know. I already know what your advice is. I already know how I should be able to fix my misery. I’m not trying to be miserable for kicks and giggles.”

“I don’t want to be alone, and yet I’ve doomed myself to a life of solitary misery.”

“Just stop being emotional!”

“Most people want to be around other people that are happy and can make them happy. I feel like I can’t do either of those things so what in the freaking world am I good for?”

“I want to just love myself and feel confident, but nothing has proven to me that I have a right to be so.”

“I don’t want to feel sorrow for obvious reasons. But I don’t want to feel happy, because no one cares. I don’t have anyone to share it with.”

“I don’t deserve the love that I so deeply long for.”

“The only real look of love that I ever see is from a dog.”

“I am sick of feeling.”

“Every single feeling that I ever feel is locked inside my mind and stuck on repeat. And that, my 
friend, whoever you are and wherever you are, is why I want to die.”

“I want to die so bad that it physically hurts my body.”

This was basically the theme of my 15 journal entries similar to this one. I was completely out of control. And this is where depression gets dangerous. I don’t thing I can even begin to explain the kind of emotional trauma it takes to want to find relief through physical pain. Just imagine that you have the kitchen knife in your quivering hand as the deafening screams engulf your mind. You hesitate, thinking about how disappointed your loved ones would be if they saw the evidence of your self-mutilation, but the burden of any potential guilt that may come with this decision is much lighter than the burden of pain it might inflict. You feel so numb and cold for so long that pain is simply a reminder that you are still alive; blood still runs through your veins.

So next time you make a joke about slitting your wrists, DON’T.

So here I am. There are more details to the story as to what happened next, but I’ll save it for later. I’ve been trying to tackle this situation for a year and a half, and while the worst of it is behind me, every day is a struggle. I’ve basically failed two semesters and deferred from another, and it feels like I’m getting left behind. It’s about time that I get through this and continue on with my life like I did before. But that’s the thing; it’s not going to be the same as it was before. I have to learn how to function and succeed in a whole new way, and it’s just a matter of figuring it out.

Well now.

Wasn’t that pleasant?

I didn’t share that so you could pity me and reassure me that I am loved, because I know I am. I shared it so you could maybe understand and become more sensitive. If it didn’t work then I don’t know what to tell you.

I want to reassure you that this is no longer my reality.

Well now that I’ve sent you on an emotional roller coaster, I want to switch my focus.


We are in charge of our lives and have to take responsibility for our actions. But we can’t control what acts on us, whether it be death of a loved one, an accident, or an illness. What we have control over, ALWAYS, is how we respond to these inevitable events in our lives. So I couldn’t just make it stop, because it was acting on me. With mental illness, there are a lot of things that are out of our control. But this is one thing we CAN control:

Whether or not we get help.

At first, I denied it. I didn’t want to believe that I was depressed. Again, it seemed like an excuse, because even I took it as “giving up.” But on that fateful day, as I was sleeping through class for the umpteenth time, I awoke with the grand realization that this was my reality. I hated my situation. I even hated myself. I had no control over my mood, motivation, or anxiety. I felt like I had no control over anything.


I still took as much control over my situation as was possible. I saw a doctor, I went to a counselor, and even though every day was essentially a bad day, I did what I could to help my situation. I am by no means extraordinary, but since I’m sharing one of the most personal aspects of my life with basically the whole world, I’m going to do what I can to help people understand.

If someone you know is at the point where they don’t have the motivation to get help, don’t judge and pester them. Lovingly encourage them to seek help, and offer support in any way possible. Just sitting with them could make all the difference, and try not to leave them alone. Again, if they’re at that point, it could be dangerous.

But here’s the point I’m trying to get at…

Depression does not define who I am.

I do.

I personally don’t like it when people say “I am depressed.” To me, it sounds like “I am depression.” But you’re not.

We are the ones in control of our own character. I define who I am by responding to my situation in a certain way, and by letting it affect my character in a positive way. Just because I can’t get out of bed, doesn’t mean that I am lazy. Anyone who really knows me knows that that’s not true. And if you think I’m “dealing with it” by staying in bed and feeling sorry for myself, then I think you’ve missed the point. Just because we go through things that can literally tear us apart, doesn’t mean that we are pathetic creatures that can’t handle a simple blow to the head. Life happens, which includes things that are out of our control.

Ether 12:27 in the Book of Mormon says, “And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.”

We are imperfect beings, both physically and spiritually. It is when we realize that we cannot endure without Heavenly Father’s help that we may become stronger in both aspects. We can’t endure any deep struggle on our own. But through the utilization of the atonement, we may turn that weakness into strength. Elder Jeffery R. Holland said in his talk Like a Broken Vessel (and I’m paraphrasing), sometimes asking for help means asking for professional help. Regardless, it takes a little humility to realize that we are not invincible. He also said in his talk, “we are infinitely more than our limitations or afflictions.”



I know everyone goes through struggles, but to quote something I found on Pinterest, “saying someone can’t feel sad because someone else has it worse is like saying someone can’t be happy because someone else has it better.”

We all experience difficulties, but I think our downfall comes when we compare our trials to the trials of others. We all have a certain capacity for enduring difficult times, but they’re all different. I may have to endure the same emotional strain that you do, and yet our experiences are totally different. So the reality is we’re all probably experiencing the same amount of pain, just in different ways. You can’t compare them unless you’ve experienced both in your own life.

One thing I’d also like to point out is that we know we’re being unreasonable when we experience anxiety (I mention this because it often goes hand in hand with depression). We know it looks pathetic, and that there is no reason why we shouldn’t be able to help ourselves. Anxiety makes absolutely no sense whatsoever, but that doesn’t mean it’s irrelevant. We can’t just “calm down,” because in our mind, there is always something wrong. For me personally, it’s like constant claustrophobia. All we can focus on is the fact that we can’t escape the situation when we used to be able to.

So let me explain something. 

Depression is not necessarily a manifestation of deep, unresolved personal problems. I did not have “problems” before the condition really exhibited itself. I was perfectly “normal.” (At least as normal as a person can be)

“So what do you have to be sad about?”

Depression is not simply about being sad. If anything, it’s more about our insecurities and self-doubt. We aren’t “enough.” We aren’t good enough, happy enough, confident enough, smart enough, or strong enough. Everyone deals with insecurities, which can seem like “personal problems,” but they’re not. They’re simply (and unfortunately) just a part of what it means to be human. So why doesn’t everyone have depression?

For a lot of people (myself included), depression is just a chemical imbalance. The way my doctor explained it was that I didn’t have enough serotonin in my brain to allow myself to “move on” from my insecurities and doubts. They literally took over my mind, and inhibited my ability to function properly.

It is not a frame of mind, an attitude, or a lifestyle.

One thing I’d want people to know is that depression disguises itself as a frame of mind because that’s what it attacks; your frame of mind.

I was writing a paper for an English class about my experience with depression, and my teacher asked me, “What do you really want people to know about depression?”

What do I want people to know about depression?

Depression is more enabling than it is disabling. I know it’s considered a mental disability, but that doesn’t mean that it has to be disabling.

Yeah I’ve gone through some real crap the past year and a half. I’ve failed multiple classes, multiple times, and quite frankly, I’m sick of failing. If you were to look at me right now, it may seem like I’m failing at life in general. It sure feels like it some days, quite honestly. But I’m not failing in the eyes of my Heavenly Father. To quote myself from a previous blog post, “the bitterness that life will bring broadens our capacity for feeling.” Because I’ve been through the darkest days a person can have, I’ve noticed a greater passion for basically everything in my life. I didn’t think it was possible to feel as strongly about trees as I do. But that’s my life now. I love trees. A lot.

So if you were to judge someone because of their depression or the way they were dealing with it, just realize that they are growing in strength, rather than failing in strength. And if you have to deal with it, just remember that you’re becoming more awesome as a person. And that’s awesome.


Why are we so embarrassed to talk about depression and anxiety? In my opinion, I think it’s because a lot of people see it as an excuse. It’s an excuse for being lazy. It’s an excuse for being unsocial. All we’re doing is wallowing in self-pity. But all that does is attack my character. I haven’t been personally attacked by anyone, but the reason I don’t tell anyone of my condition is because I feel like anyone I talk to is going to judge my character. Being ignorant of the situation is only hurting everyone. Those of us that have to deal with it only feel more alone because of the social stigma of mental illness; it’s awkward and uncomfortable. No one knows how to deal with it because no one openly talks about it. So that’s what I’m trying to change. I’m trying to start the discussion.

Here is what I would want people to DO about depression. I would hope that people could avoid judgment. I’m not choosing to “give in” to the temptation. Positive thinking isn’t always going to fix the problem. The problem is that I can’t control the insecurities that enter my mind; it won’t allow me to move on. I know that’s a hard concept to grasp because I was once in your shoes.

If you are dealing with depression, or simply stuck in a rut that you can’t seem to get out of, I would encourage you to realize that there is hope for you. Having hope doesn’t mean that everything is better, or that things are even going to all of a sudden get better. Hope is when you promise the Lord that you won’t give up on Him because He WON’T give up on you. In my opinion, having hope does nothing to diminish the reality of your pain, but having an understanding of hope will allow you to exercise your emotional endurance. Pain is nothing to be ashamed of; it’s perfectly human. If we didn’t know pain, we wouldn’t know joy. So don’t be ashamed if you’re struggling and need outside help.

I think the saying “there’s a light at the end of the tunnel” is funny. The tunnel is still there! It’s still a reality. But the light is only going to get brighter if you continue to endure through the tunnel; but you have to keep moving. Don’t think about the length of the tunnel because it will only overwhelm you. Only concern yourself with what is required of you to take the next step. One of the things that must be utilized is the atonement of Jesus Christ. You don’t have to get through anything alone when you have the Lord on your side.

I know what it feels like to feel out of control. But I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, the one thing you CAN control is whether or not you try to get through it and ask for help, no matter who it’s from. Know that I’m rooting for you, no matter who you are! I guarantee you that if you overcome this, you will have a strength that you never thought was possible.

I love you guys, every last one of you. One thing that this depression has enabled me to do is love someone regardless of their opinions or situation. We all deserve to be loved, no matter who we are or what we do. And it is through feeling that love that has made all of this suffering worth it. If I had to go through all of it again, I would.

Ultimately, the thing I would like you to do is BOMBARD each other with love. In my case, the thing that literally got me through everything was the support that I received from my family and friends; it saved my life. Also, the second to last thing I want you to do is forget that I have depression, if that’s at all possible. I don’t want to be known as “the girl that has depression,” just like (I’m sure) someone with diabetes wouldn’t want to be known as “the person with diabetes.” Again, I am much more than my weakness. I am my strength. I’m happy, you guys. I really am.

The VERY last thing (I promise, it really is the last thing) I want you to do is defend, and be an advocate for, those that suffer from mental illness. They need people rooting for them, just like people root for a cure for cancer.

I’ve shared this poem before, but I think it’s worth sharing again, because it applies to everyone.

By William Ernest Henley
Out of the night that covers me,
      Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
      For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
      I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
      My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
      Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
      Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
      How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate,
      I am the captain of my soul.

So, if you have any questions or something is still unclear, let me know. Otherwise, let’s spread the word and join the conversation.




Sunday, August 17, 2014

"Worlds without number have I created"

There’s a collection of documentaries on Netflix called “Cosmos: A Spacetime Odyssey.” It’s hosted by Neil deGrasse Tyson, who I’m actually not a huge fan of. He’s kind of corny (he reminds me of LeVar Burton from Reading Rainbow, except he talks about science, which is WAY more interesting), and he gives me the impression that he has a pretty low opinion of those who do not believe in evolution. I also get the impression that he isn’t a religious man, although I don’t know if that’s true or not. But regardless of his personal views, the first episode was absolutely eye-opening to me, and I think everyone should watch it if they can. Seriously, do it. Like right now. Then come back and read this, and maybe you’ll have an even more open mind. That episode actually strengthened my testimony of Heavenly Father and his divinity.

This theory of evolution is a pretty touchy subject, and can create some tension between men of God and men of science. I think it’s pretty difficult for some of us to accept the fact that we’re related to monkeys, and I still have problems with that. It’s hard to feel special when your “ancestors” are merely animals. But I, personally, have decided to consider that fact or theory or whatever you may consider it, and I’ll tell you why; here’s my theory (I know others have considered this as well, so I apologize for the redundancy).


It’s no secret that I am obsessed with science, and this is basically the reason for that. I have never seen greater physical evidence of His power in anything else in this world. While searching for God through prayer and scripture study is the most important way to learn of his love for us, it’s not the only way. My belief in anything is greatly strengthened when I understand the physical evidence behind it. Again, I didn’t say that I needed PROOF. I just get excited when spiritual things are backed by science.

I believe that evolution and the “Big Bang” are, in fact, realistic ideas. You may not think so, but I would encourage you to at least open up your mind to the possibility. I don’t even know if I’m going to accept it as absolute truth yet because I don’t know for sure, and there might be doctrine that disprove it, but this theory of mine makes me feel pretty dang important in the eyes of God. So I think I’ll accept it until someone tells me it’s absolutely wrong.

Billions and billions of years of evolution has led up to this point. Maybe we are relatives of monkeys. It wouldn’t be a crazy idea, after all. All of creation is built from the same components, which makes us all inherently connected. The same iron found on Mars can be found in our own bodies. To me, that’s pretty poetic. I see that as a beautiful thing, that we are connected to every object and living thing in the universe. Wow.

You look at the vastness of this universe and of all existence, and you may feel small and insignificant. I mean, the number of galaxies in the universe is just staggering, and their beauty is equally staggering. There are not words to explain the wonders we see in the physical world; it’s enough to make a person cry! It’s also enough to make one feel unimportant in the grand scheme of things

But we are the exact opposite.

If you accept both God and science, this idea is much more real. WE were the purpose behind the Big Bang. All of the trillions of galaxies and stars were created in order for our existence. “Worlds without number have I created.” HE created; not chance. But why?


I mentioned in a previous post that our passion is what mainly sets us apart from all other life, but it’s obviously not the only thing. I think of our passion as something that comes with our spirit, and that wasn’t necessarily created in this physical world (maybe it was; the concept of the creation of our “spirit” still leaves me mind-boggled). But we can also think and reason and make choices when no other creature can. Our ability to create things is proof enough that we have divine worth. The immense difference between us and other “intelligent” life is incomprehensible. I don’t know what the next “most intelligent” species is, but I think there’s a good chance that it actually IS monkeys (I mean, we’ve found a way to communicate with them for heaven’s sake). So it would seem that we may have actually evolved from monkeys. But, how can we then say that we were created in the image of God?

We were created in His image, but maybe it took a long time for us to get to that point. I don’t know if it says anywhere that our creation was achieved in an instant. In the documentary, they talk about the “cosmic calendar,” where it puts all of time, from the Big Bang to the present day, into one calendar year. Everything we know, everything we read in history books about people who have once lived, happened in the final SECOND of that “year” of creation. Biblically, we have only been a species for thousands of years. So what about the dinosaurs? I mean, the bones are there and they’re super old, so how were they created and why? Well, maybe God was just giving us something to keep us busy and occupy our time. I don’t know. But I don’t believe that it proves that God is not real, nor does it prove that evolution is not real.

I was told by one of my religion teachers that God still has to obey the rules of nature that are set for us. If that’s true, then it all makes sense! Evolution would’ve just been a necessary part of the creation of our bodies. But I believe that God started our spiritual “timeline” at the creation of Adam and Eve. How does that explain our prehistoric, cavemen ancestors? Maybe they just didn’t have the luxury of having a spirit. But at the point that Adam and Eve were created, the creation of our bodies was complete, OUR existence began, and our purpose was revealed.

Russell M. Nelson said in a conference talk, “could an explosion in a printing shop produce a dictionary?” Understand that I’m not questioning his authority as a leader of the church. He’s right; saying that some chance explosion created who we are today and the complexity of our bodies and its regenerative properties is most ridiculous if you don’t include a divine creator in the equation. There is no way that it could happen by accident. But the theory makes me wonder if it wasn’t an accident. If God has to obey his own laws of nature, then the Big Bang might have been necessary for the development of the most basic elements that make up our universe and our bodies.

So maybe that’s the purpose behind evolution; it was necessary for the creation of our bodies (which was created by God of course). But Heavenly Father is also the creator of our spirit. So I’ll reiterate; the creation of Adam and Eve was the beginning of the human race as we know it to be today, and that is the point where we were set apart from other species. Again, you look at all living things and even after all those million of years of evolution, we are the only ones that have been able to think and create to the capacity that we have achieved. I mean, I guess it’s possible that we could continue to evolve as a species, and as far as I can tell, we have when it comes to our capacity to understand things of this world. But I don’t think that we would have nearly enough time to evolve into some kind of super-human that can fly and see through walls and so on. When it comes to the evolution of the human race, I think this is the end of it.

By understanding where we came from and how we came to be, we can better understand God and his love for us. Of all of the incredible creations and beauties of this universe, it is obvious that we are certainly His most precious. We are His children, and He knows each of us personally. If He put all of those billions of years of effort into creating my body to be the host of my spirit, I find that as proof that He loves me more that I can comprehend. He did all this for ME, and imperfect person, who may seem insignificant, but in relation to all things in the universe, I am of incredible importance. Regardless of our choices, we are important to our Heavenly Father. Everyone is a child of God, even if they are a part of a different religion or political group. He made the same effort to create them. So love them.

I know that there are still some holes in this theory, but even in science, we’re NEVER going to be able to understand everything and how it all fits together. When it comes to scientific discoveries, I believe we’ve only scratched the surface, which is why miracles may seem impossible to us. Maybe it’s the science that we DON’T understand that explains the possibility of miracles. But that idea would require an open mind from both those that believe in God and those that do not.

This is not doctrine, it’s just an idea. And while I can’t prove it, I don’t think you can disprove either. But just think about it, mmkay?

Just some food for thought.