tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-46159399133212369652024-03-21T09:11:08.028-07:00Being Human.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00763577266347620603noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4615939913321236965.post-38801534951659080292015-08-12T16:01:00.000-07:002015-08-12T16:01:31.031-07:00STOP IT<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="font-size: small;">My number one, least favorite things in the world are this: </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">Insensitivity</span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">Unkindness</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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Disrespect</div>
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<br /></div>
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Disregard for others</div>
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<br /></div>
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Hatred towards anyone for anything</div>
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<br /></div>
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<b>EVERYONE.</b></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">JUST.</span></b></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 26.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"><b>STOP.</b> </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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In my posts so far, I am generally peasant. There was one
where I was pretty pointed with my opinion, but I did my best to be respectful.
Sorry if it wasn’t respectful enough. But if you’ve been with me thus far, you
know that I am an incredibly passionate person (Duh, you don’t have to repeat
it every five minutes). I’m also very reserved when it comes to sharing my opinions
on matters. Or you may think I am. </div>
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<br /></div>
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In my first blog post I said that I get so passionate about
things that it leaves me emotionally and physically exhausted, and I have to
get my thoughts out or else they’ll eat at me. I’m not kidding about the
physically exhausted part. I was writing my thoughts about something the other
day, and I was <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">shaking. </i>When I was
talking about it with my family, my voice was <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">shaking</i>. I’m not going to expound on what it is, because all that will
do is get me angry and I don’t want to be angry. At the end of the day, my
opinion is just as valuable as those of which I disagree. </div>
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<br /></div>
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But when I see a stab at someone on Facebook I <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">feel </i>it. Whenever someone demeans
another I <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">feel </i>it. Whenever they pass
wrongful judgement I <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">feel </i>it. When
someone goes ahead and attacks Christians and calls them “insane?” It’s a stab
to the heart. When someone accuses Democrats of something, I feel just as hurt
as if they were accusing Republicans. Even as I’m sitting here writing, my
whole body is shaking with sorrow and hurt; that’s just a part of my
personality. I feel things on such a deep level, it takes a lot out of me. I
promise this is the only time I’m ever going to get as upset as I am right now.
I am just sick and tired of everyone arguing. </div>
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<br /></div>
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We have a right to disagree. </div>
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<br /></div>
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We do NOT have ANY right WHATSOEVER to be disagreeable. Just
because you <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">can</i> say something doesn’t
mean you <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">should</i>. It is not your
constitutional right to decide what is to be done with a man who shot a lion.
What he did was wrong, but it is not up to you to ruin his life, his family’s
lives, and the lives those who worked for him. </div>
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<br /></div>
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We must, without a doubt, stand up for what we believe in.
But it is possible to do that without belittling one another. You
want to put the rainbow in your profile picture to show your support for gay
marriage? I will respect your civil statement that you believe in and stand for
something. I will not look at that and think any less of you. As far as I’m
concerned, we are good friends; I say that with the utmost sincerity. What I
will not support is personalized attacks on people or groups of people. I think
what we need to realize is that by doing that, we are accusing every single
person that is affiliated with that group. I don’t think we realize the affect
our written and spoken words have on people; they genuinely hurt, and that’s
not okay. I swear, if I see one more disrespectful post about republicans or
democrats, I’mma start unfriending people. I can’t willingly go to Facebook if
I know that all I’m going to see is battlegrounds for a war between political
and religious parties. </div>
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<br /></div>
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This is not what this country fought for. We did not fight
for the right to belittle someone. People did not risk their lives just so we
could go on hating each other. This country was fought for so we could have the
right to stand for something we believe in and not fear for our lives. Can we
honestly say that this is the case? Are people not threatened because of their
beliefs? Are they not ridiculed and hated simply because their opinions are
different? </div>
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<br /></div>
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What I can’t believe is that people are okay with this. They’re
okay with the war that’s going on right here on American soil; they may even be
encouraging it. When has fighting ever gotten anyone anywhere? Remember the
saying, “if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all?” Where did
that go? When did people start stepping all over that? </div>
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<br /></div>
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Can you imagine what we as a country could do if we actually
tried working together? We might actually be in terrible danger of GETTING
somewhere. There is not ONE PERSON <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">on
this Earth </i>that can honestly say to me that they feel better when they hate
their enemy as opposed to when they love their enemy. It is physically
impossible to feel joy from hatred. We aren’t asked to love our enemies because
it’s easy; we’re asked because in the long-run, everyone will be happier. So
why would we do it? Why would anyone choose hate over love? </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’m sorry if I’m sounding preachy. I’m not trying to put
myself on this pedestal; I know I have my flaws. But one thing I can say with
confidence is that I will never purposely try to hurt someone. Ever. If I hurt
you, then I am genuinely sorry. We can <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">all
</i>do more to show more kindness towards one another. I’m positive that it won’t
hurt in any way. Change starts with the individual. We have to make a conscious
decision to love someone instead of hate them. It seems impossible, but it’s
not; if it was, it wouldn’t be asked of us. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Sorry for being a Debbie downer. Most of you know that I’m a
pretty pleasant person. But all the negativity I’ve been feeling from every
direction is driving me insane, and I felt like I was going to implode if I
didn’t say something. So this is me, letting go of that negativity. Here, I’ll
even give you a picture of the Redwoods. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaHMDZD1DCIpMCyYOHgxFfMJqqan5K-1Zl7sdoxHa7_FPPHy8lF_tZxQjBqtvT0L-Qk-YBwgJoVr-XnUS0QrWLfvrhblLO8g7JZ5wZrRp7IaoMWa0XObxtdt-OAGa5GCEFWd0KYXiq6FE/s1600/Nevermind.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="425" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaHMDZD1DCIpMCyYOHgxFfMJqqan5K-1Zl7sdoxHa7_FPPHy8lF_tZxQjBqtvT0L-Qk-YBwgJoVr-XnUS0QrWLfvrhblLO8g7JZ5wZrRp7IaoMWa0XObxtdt-OAGa5GCEFWd0KYXiq6FE/s640/Nevermind.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Isn’t that better?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
On another note, this post has probably been the most emotionally
draining. So if you don’t see me for a few days, you’ll know why; I’m okay,
just tired. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So please be nice.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Please. </div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00763577266347620603noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4615939913321236965.post-89154069279614287752015-03-19T17:03:00.000-07:002015-03-19T17:03:22.312-07:00Depression: My Story<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<![endif]-->I would just like to let y’all know that I am taking a huge
risk by talking about this. I’m making myself very vulnerable in hopes that
what I have to say could make a difference and I would hope that you’d proceed
free of judgement. If you can’t do that then don’t waste your time.
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Depression. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’ll just come out and say it and not dance around the
subject like it’s something to be ashamed of (or like it’s even a surprise
anymore). </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I have Major Depressive Disorder. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now I know what you might be thinking… Why would I disclose
this kind of information with pretty much everyone? Isn’t that kind of
personal? Ummm, yeah. It is. Regardless of whether you’ve known me my whole
life or if you’ve just met me, I would hope that this information wouldn’t make
you uncomfortable or scare you away. I’ve been playing with the idea of putting
my two cents in on the matter for some time now, and I didn’t know if I would
ever come out and admit the reality of my condition, but I can’t really keep my
mouth shut about the subject anymore. I’m not saying we should introduce
ourselves to others by telling them our problems, but I feel the need to talk
about my depression because I see a lot of insensitivity towards those who may
harm themselves or even take their own life.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I have four things that I would like to identify as my main
purposes. 1) I want to share my story so that you may better understand what it
feels like to be depressed. 2) I want you to understand what I’m doing to
overcome it. 3) I want to explain the true reality that depression is, as
opposed to what you may have thought about it. And 4) I would hope that you
would take this information and apply it to your lives. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Keep in mind that there are different kinds of depression, everyone
deals with depression differently, and I really can only speak for myself. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So. Here we go. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
PART 1: MY STORY</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’ve been dealing with depression since high school. Did I
know it was depression? No, because it wasn’t as serious. It all started as a
lack of motivation, spending weekends in bed all day, and being consumed by
self-contempt. I felt like the only thing I was doing was disappointing
everyone around me. Multiple times I had been asked by loved ones if I was
depressed; I honestly didn’t know. The only thing I knew about depression was
that you often needed medication, because all I saw was the commercials. So of
course, I didn’t think I had depression. I got past the very dark days, pushed
on through, and turned out just fine. I did what is expected of people, to buckle
down and deal with your problems head on. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But it just kept coming back. A couple times a year, I’d go
through the same routine and quite frankly, it was exhausting. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But during the fall semester of my second year of college, I
noticed something was extremely off, even more so than usual. The one thing
that came easiest to me (school) was now my most difficult challenge. I
couldn’t concentrate in class, focus on my homework, or sleep at night. Eating was optional. Social
situations were the biggest struggle, and yet, I wanted to be a part of them so
bad. Rooms full of laughter made my hair stand on end, and my whole body felt like
it was being scratched from the inside. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The first counselor I met with wondered if it was ADHD since
I was so restless, but that just didn’t make sense to me. I didn’t know of any
family members that had dealt with ADHD before, and I never had problems with
restlessness when I was younger. I had a daily 7:45 class that I had been sleeping
through for multiple days, and one morning, after sleeping through it for the
millionth time, it hit me like a million ton of bricks. I woke up uttering the
words, “I have depression.” By that time, I had almost stopped going to class
altogether. It was then that I finally went to a doctor. But just because I
started medication didn’t mean that I was all of a sudden healed. I was trying
to convince myself that the pain was all in my head but it wasn’t. I think
that’s one thing that people forget. Even though it’s totally unreasonable that
we feel this way, it doesn’t mean that the pain is completely fake. The sorrow
is so real it’s physical. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I wish I could have everyone experience depression for a day
and then maybe you’d understand what I’m saying. Some of you do, I’m sure, but
I’m sure there are a lot of you who don’t. I’m sure people have tried to
explain, but let me have a go at it. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s kind of like hell. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now I’ve never experienced hell, but here’s my theory: The
closest thing we have to heaven on earth is the temple. So what’s the closest
thing we have to hell on earth? I don’t think it’s a place. I see it as a
state; it’s isolation. Isolation from your loved ones, from the things you used
to enjoy, and from the person you would like to be. All you can see is the
goodness around you but you have no part in it. Everyone is progressing and
happy with their lives, and you’re just stuck in a cage, forced to witness it
all. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s kind of like that. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
(Deep breaths. Here we go.)</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Hopefully, in sharing my experience you can get a glimpse of
what it’s like to be in a depressed mind. I’m going to warn you, it isn’t
pretty (and that’s a GROSS understatement), so be prepared. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The best way I can describe depression is by likening it to
a friend.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I wake up in the morning to the same daily song of contempt
and self-hatred. She’s there, whispering in my ear all my deepest insecurities,
reminding me of my incompetence. While I’m in class, she takes complete control
of my body; rubbing my arm, piercing my legs from the inside. All the while,
she’s still in my head, singing sweet reminders such as, “You are worthless.
You are pathetic. You are ugly.” By the end of the day, she’s surpassed the
point of whispers and has reached a sound level comparable to that of a howler
monkey. I try by way of positive thinking to put an end to her squealing, but
am unsuccessful. All I hear is, “You put this on yourself. You want me here;
you brought me here. The only reason you’re miserable is because you are lazy,
unintelligent, and over-rated. And face it, you like talking to me.” She is
right. She is the only one I have to talk to. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But the irony is that you are, in a sense, your “friend.”
You are the one telling yourself these things, and yet, you feel so
disconnected from yourself that it feels like it’s everyone else that’s telling
you this. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In my darkest state, my uselessness was just as much a
reality as the fact that the sun will come up in the morning. There will always
be seven days in a week, fall will be followed by the desolate winter, and time
will continue to pass. Those are concrete realities. There’s no escape from it,
just like there’s no escape from the clutches of my own mind. My thoughts were
my reality. My mind was the choreographer and I was the dancer. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The only way I could bear to get through the day was by
writing down my brutally honest feelings and thoughts. So let me share with you
some excerpts from by far my most painful journal entry. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“I stop telling people things because they just want me
fixed. Guess what? I want me fixed too. More than you do, in fact. I too get
sick of hearing my own problems. I get sick of it more than you do, I guarantee
you.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“The second someone says ‘do you want my advice?’ I shut
down. No, I don’t want your advice because I know. I already know what your
advice is. I already know how I <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">should </i>be
able to fix my misery. I’m not trying to be miserable for kicks and giggles.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“I don’t want to be alone, and yet I’ve doomed myself to a
life of solitary misery.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Just stop being emotional!”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Most people want to be around other people that are happy
and can make <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">them </i>happy. I feel like
I can’t do either of those things so what in the freaking world am I good for?”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“I want to just love myself and feel confident, but nothing
has proven to me that I have a right to be so.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“I don’t want to feel sorrow for obvious reasons. But I
don’t want to feel happy, because no one cares. I don’t have anyone to share it
with.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“I don’t deserve the love that I so deeply long for.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“The only real look of love that I ever see is from a dog.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“I am sick of feeling.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Every single feeling that I ever feel is locked inside my
mind and stuck on repeat. And that, my </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
friend, whoever you are and wherever you
are, is why I want to die.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“I want to die so bad that it physically hurts my body.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This was basically the theme of my 15 journal entries
similar to this one. I was completely out of control. And this is where
depression gets dangerous. I don’t thing I can even begin to explain the kind
of emotional trauma it takes to want to find relief through physical pain. Just
imagine that you have the kitchen knife in your quivering hand<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> </span>as the deafening screams
engulf your mind. You hesitate, thinking about how disappointed your loved ones
would be if they saw the evidence of your self-mutilation, but the burden of
any potential guilt that may come with this decision is much lighter than the
burden of pain it might inflict. You feel so numb and cold for so long that
pain is simply a reminder that you are still alive; blood still runs through
your veins. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So next time you make a joke about slitting your wrists, <span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">DON’T</span>.
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So here I am. There are more details to the story as to what
happened next, but I’ll save it for later. I’ve been trying to tackle this
situation for a year and a half, and while the worst of it is behind me, every day
is a struggle. I’ve basically failed two semesters and deferred from another,
and it feels like I’m getting left behind. It’s about time that I get through
this and continue on with my life like I did before. But that’s the thing; it’s
not going to be the same as it was before. I have to learn how to function and
succeed in a whole new way, and it’s just a matter of figuring it out. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Well now. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Wasn’t that pleasant?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I didn’t share that so you could pity me and reassure me
that I am loved, because I know I am. I shared it so you could maybe understand
and become more sensitive. If it didn’t work then I don’t know what to tell
you. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I want to reassure you that this is no longer my reality.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Well now that I’ve sent you on an emotional roller coaster,
I want to switch my focus. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
PART 2: WHAT I DID ABOUT IT</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
We are in charge of our lives and have to take
responsibility for our actions. But we can’t control what acts on us, whether
it be death of a loved one, an accident, or an illness. What we have control
over, ALWAYS, is how we respond to these inevitable events in our lives. So I
couldn’t just make it stop, because it was acting on me. With mental illness,
there are a lot of things that are out of our control. But this is one thing we
CAN control:
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Whether or not we get help. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
At first, I denied it. I didn’t want to believe that I was
depressed. Again, it seemed like an excuse, because even I took it as “giving
up.” But on that fateful day, as I was sleeping through class for the umpteenth
time, I awoke with the grand realization that this was my reality. I hated my
situation. I even hated myself. I had no control over my mood, motivation, or
anxiety. I felt like I had no control over anything. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
BUT</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I still took as much control over my situation as was
possible. I saw a doctor, I went to a counselor, and even though every day was
essentially a bad day, I did what I could to help my situation. I am by no
means extraordinary, but since I’m sharing one of the most personal aspects of
my life with basically the whole world, I’m going to do what I can to help
people understand. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If someone you know is at the point where they don’t have
the motivation to get help, don’t judge and pester them. Lovingly encourage
them to seek help, and offer support in any way possible. Just sitting with
them could make all the difference, and try not to leave them alone. Again, if
they’re at that point, it could be dangerous.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But here’s the point I’m trying to get at…</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Depression does not define who I am. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I do. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I personally don’t like it when people say “I am depressed.”
To me, it sounds like “I am depression.” But you’re not. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We are the ones in control of our own character. I define
who I am by responding to my situation in a certain way, and by letting it
affect my character in a positive way. Just because I can’t get out of bed,
doesn’t mean that I am lazy. Anyone who really knows me knows that that’s not
true. And if you think I’m “dealing with it” by staying in bed and feeling
sorry for myself, then I think you’ve missed the point. Just because we go
through things that can literally tear us apart, doesn’t mean that we are
pathetic creatures that can’t handle a simple blow to the head. Life happens,
which includes things that are out of our control. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ether 12:27 in the Book of Mormon says, “And if men come
unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that
they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble
themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith
in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We are imperfect beings, both physically and spiritually. It
is when we realize that we cannot endure without Heavenly Father’s help that we
may become stronger in both aspects. We can’t endure <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">any </i>deep struggle on our own. But through the utilization of the
atonement, we may turn that weakness into strength. Elder Jeffery R. Holland
said in his talk <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Like a Broken Vessel </i>(and
I’m paraphrasing), sometimes asking for help means asking for <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">professional </i>help. Regardless, it takes
a little humility to realize that we are not invincible. He also said in his
talk, “we are infinitely more than our limitations or afflictions.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Amen. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
PART 3: THE <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">REAL </i>REALITY</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I know everyone goes through struggles, but to quote something
I found on Pinterest, “saying someone can’t feel sad because someone else has
it worse is like saying someone can’t be happy because someone else has it
better.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We all experience difficulties, but I think our downfall
comes when we compare our trials to the trials of others. We all have a certain
capacity for enduring difficult times, but they’re all different. I may have to
endure the same emotional strain that you do, and yet our experiences are
totally different. So the reality is we’re all probably experiencing the same
amount of pain, just in different ways. You can’t compare them unless you’ve
experienced both in your own life. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
One thing I’d also like to point out is that we know we’re
being unreasonable when we experience anxiety (I mention this because it often
goes hand in hand with depression). We know it looks pathetic, and that there
is no reason why we shouldn’t be able to help ourselves. Anxiety makes
absolutely no sense whatsoever, but that doesn’t mean it’s irrelevant. We can’t
just “calm down,” because in our mind, there is always something wrong. For me
personally, it’s like constant claustrophobia. All we can focus on is the fact
that we <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">can’t </i>escape the situation
when we used to be able to. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So let me explain something.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Depression is not necessarily
a manifestation of deep, unresolved personal problems.</b> I did not have
“problems” before the condition really exhibited itself. I was perfectly
“normal.” (At least as normal as a person can be)</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“So what do you have to be sad about?”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Depression is not
simply about being sad</b>. If anything, it’s more about our insecurities and
self-doubt. We aren’t “enough.” We aren’t good enough, happy enough, confident
enough, smart enough, or strong enough. Everyone deals with insecurities, which
can seem like “personal problems,” but they’re not. They’re simply (and
unfortunately) just a part of what it means to be human. So why doesn’t
everyone have depression? </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
For a lot of people (myself included), depression is just a
chemical imbalance. The way my doctor explained it was that I didn’t have
enough serotonin in my brain to allow myself to “move on” from my insecurities
and doubts. They literally took over my mind, and inhibited my ability to
function properly. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">It is not a frame of
mind, an attitude, or a lifestyle. </b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
One thing I’d want people to know is that depression
disguises itself as a frame of mind because that’s what it attacks; your frame
of mind.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I was writing a paper for an English class about my
experience with depression, and my teacher asked me, “What do you really want
people to know about depression?” </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What do I want people to know about depression?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Depression is more
enabling than it is disabling.</b> I know it’s considered a mental disability,
but that doesn’t mean that it has to be disabling. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Yeah I’ve gone through some real crap the past year and a
half. I’ve failed multiple classes, multiple times, and quite frankly, I’m sick
of failing. If you were to look at me right now, it may seem like I’m failing
at life in general. It sure feels like it some days, quite honestly. But I’m
not failing in the eyes of my Heavenly Father. To quote myself from a previous
blog post, “the bitterness that life will bring broadens our capacity for
feeling.” Because I’ve been through the darkest days a person can have, I’ve
noticed a greater passion for basically everything in my life. I didn’t think
it was possible to feel as strongly about trees as I do. But that’s my life
now. I love trees. A lot. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2VpLXnGWXXbz2c37DSyfYWokn2JOztzCNhvBBjWJU5WC0JwsHnx3Z3oz_sosrxH4tl8J701nNi0_tIOcyykM4Kdialx2L-m4_Azql3n0W7P4D1teD5DL1Fjc9l4Z9mE6Fu6LcKFz-rdE/s1600/10247375_551474638303076_7517569564893769449_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2VpLXnGWXXbz2c37DSyfYWokn2JOztzCNhvBBjWJU5WC0JwsHnx3Z3oz_sosrxH4tl8J701nNi0_tIOcyykM4Kdialx2L-m4_Azql3n0W7P4D1teD5DL1Fjc9l4Z9mE6Fu6LcKFz-rdE/s1600/10247375_551474638303076_7517569564893769449_n.jpg" height="640" width="480" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So if you were to judge someone because of their depression
or the way they were dealing with it, just realize that they are growing in
strength, rather than failing in strength. And if you have to deal with it,
just remember that you’re becoming more awesome as a person. And that’s
awesome. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
PART 4: WHAT YOU SHOULD DO ABOUT IT</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Why are we so embarrassed to talk about depression and
anxiety? In my opinion, I think it’s because a lot of people see it as an
excuse. It’s an excuse for being lazy. It’s an excuse for being unsocial. All
we’re doing is wallowing in self-pity. But all that does is attack my
character. I haven’t been personally attacked by anyone, but the reason I don’t
tell anyone of my condition is because I feel like anyone I talk to is going to
judge my character. Being ignorant of the situation is only hurting everyone.
Those of us that have to deal with it only feel more alone because of the
social stigma of mental illness; it’s awkward and uncomfortable. No one knows
how to deal with it because no one openly talks about it. So that’s what I’m
trying to change. I’m trying to start the discussion. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Here is what I would want people to DO about depression<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">. I would hope that people could avoid
judgment</b>. I’m not choosing to “give in” to the temptation. Positive
thinking isn’t always going to fix the problem. The problem is that I can’t
control the insecurities that enter my mind; it won’t allow me to move on. I
know that’s a hard concept to grasp because I was once in your shoes.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">If you are dealing
with depression, or simply stuck in a rut that you can’t seem to get out of</b>,
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">I would encourage you to realize that there
is hope for you</b>. Having hope doesn’t mean that everything is better, or
that things are even going to all of a sudden get better. Hope is when you
promise the Lord that you won’t give up on Him because He WON’T give up on you.
In my opinion, having hope does nothing to diminish the reality of your pain,
but having an understanding of hope will allow you to exercise your emotional
endurance. Pain is nothing to be ashamed of; it’s perfectly human. If we didn’t
know pain, we wouldn’t know joy. So don’t be ashamed if you’re struggling and
need outside help.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I think the saying “there’s a light at the end of the
tunnel” is funny. The tunnel is still there! It’s still a reality. But the
light is only going to get brighter if you continue to endure through the
tunnel; but you have to keep moving. Don’t think about the length of the tunnel
because it will only overwhelm you. Only concern yourself with what is required
of you to take the next step. One of the things that must be utilized is the
atonement of Jesus Christ. You don’t have to get through <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">anything </i>alone when you have the Lord on your side. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I know what it feels like to feel out of control. But I’ve
said it before and I’ll say it again, the one thing you CAN control is whether
or not you try to get through it and ask for help, no matter who it’s from.
Know that I’m rooting for you, no matter who you are! I guarantee you that if
you overcome this, you will have a strength that you never thought was
possible.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I love you guys, every last one of you. One thing that this
depression has enabled me to do is love someone regardless of their opinions or
situation. We all deserve to be loved, no matter who we are or what we do. And
it is through feeling that love that has made all of this suffering worth it.
If I had to go through all of it again, I would.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Ultimately, the thing
I would like you to do is BOMBARD each other with love.</b> In my case, the
thing that <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">literally </i>got me through
everything was the support that I received from my family and friends; it saved
my life. Also, the second to last thing I want you to do is forget that I have
depression, if that’s at all possible. I don’t want to be known as “the girl
that has depression,” just like (I’m sure) someone with diabetes wouldn’t want
to be known as “the person with diabetes.” Again, I am much more than my
weakness. I am my strength. I’m happy, you guys. I really am. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">The VERY last thing
(I promise, it really is the last thing) I want you to do is defend, and be an
advocate for, those that suffer from mental illness</b>. They need people
rooting for them, just like people root for a cure for cancer. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’ve shared this poem before, but I think it’s worth sharing
again, because it applies to everyone.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Invictus</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
By William Ernest Henley</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Out of the night that covers me,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Black as the pit
from pole to pole,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I thank whatever gods may be</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For my
unconquerable soul.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In the fell clutch of circumstance</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have not
winced nor cried aloud.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Under the bludgeonings of chance</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My head is
bloody, but unbowed.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Beyond this place of wrath and tears</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Looms but the
Horror of the shade,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And yet the menace of the years</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Finds and shall
find me unafraid.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It matters not how strait the gate,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How charged with
punishments the scroll,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I am the master of my fate,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am the captain
of my soul.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So, if you have any questions or something is still unclear,
let me know. Otherwise, let’s spread the word and join the conversation.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ready.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Set. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
GO!</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00763577266347620603noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4615939913321236965.post-63880926860840604362014-08-17T20:52:00.001-07:002014-08-17T20:52:33.613-07:00"Worlds without number have I created"<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgX1P2mR7XD7Sjg6gXNDKKMIpNfNAqfHxIiJFrE6-8uoAKghqXCZIroUtmnKGUch38uj0aCYpvdx4OOtLR6hxL2AyWGBtxutCgAeKLAZpawHWjeaDahgPN_fQNh-JlGa56iRSeXo52tKtk/s1600/Another+universe.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgX1P2mR7XD7Sjg6gXNDKKMIpNfNAqfHxIiJFrE6-8uoAKghqXCZIroUtmnKGUch38uj0aCYpvdx4OOtLR6hxL2AyWGBtxutCgAeKLAZpawHWjeaDahgPN_fQNh-JlGa56iRSeXo52tKtk/s1600/Another+universe.jpg" height="400" width="640" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There’s a collection of documentaries on Netflix called “Cosmos:
A Spacetime Odyssey.” It’s hosted by Neil deGrasse Tyson, who I’m actually not
a huge fan of. He’s kind of corny (he reminds me of LeVar Burton from Reading Rainbow,
except he talks about science, which is WAY more interesting), and he gives me
the impression that he has a pretty low opinion of those who do not believe in
evolution. I also get the impression that he isn’t a religious man, although I
don’t know if that’s true or not. But regardless of his personal views, the
first episode was absolutely eye-opening to me, and I think everyone should
watch it if they can. Seriously, do it. Like right now. Then come back and read
this, and maybe you’ll have an even more open mind. That episode actually strengthened
my testimony of Heavenly Father and his divinity. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This theory of evolution is a pretty touchy subject, and can
create some tension between men of God and men of science. I think it’s pretty
difficult for some of us to accept the fact that we’re related to monkeys, and
I still have problems with that. It’s hard to feel special when your “ancestors”
are merely animals. But I, personally, have decided to consider that fact or
theory or whatever you may consider it, and I’ll tell you why; here’s <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">my </i>theory (I know others have considered
this as well, so I apologize for the redundancy).</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
SCIENCE DOES NOT CONTRADICT THE EXISTENCE OF GOD; IT <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">PROVES </i>IT.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s no secret that I am obsessed with science, and this is
basically the reason for that. I have never seen greater physical evidence of His
power in anything else in this world. While searching for God through prayer
and scripture study is the most important way to learn of his love for us, it’s
not the only way. My belief in <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">anything </i>is
greatly strengthened when I understand the physical evidence behind it. Again,
I didn’t say that I needed PROOF. I just get excited when spiritual things are
backed by science.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I believe that evolution and the “Big Bang” are, in fact,
realistic ideas. You may not think so, but I would encourage you to at least
open up your mind to the possibility. I don’t even know if I’m going to accept
it as absolute truth yet because I don’t know for sure, and there might be
doctrine that disprove it, but this theory of mine makes me feel pretty dang
important in the eyes of God. So I think I’ll accept it until someone tells me
it’s absolutely wrong. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Billions and billions of years of evolution has led up to
this point. Maybe we <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">are </i>relatives of
monkeys. It wouldn’t be a crazy idea, after all. All of creation is built from
the same components, which makes us all inherently connected. The same iron
found on Mars can be found in our own bodies. To me, that’s pretty poetic. I
see that as a beautiful thing, that we are connected to every object and living
thing in the universe. Wow.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You look at the vastness of this universe and of all
existence, and you may feel small and insignificant. I mean, the number of
galaxies in the universe is just staggering, and their beauty is equally staggering.
There are not words to explain the wonders we see in the physical world; it’s
enough to make a person cry! It’s also enough to make one feel unimportant in
the grand scheme of things</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But we are the exact opposite. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If you accept both God and science, this idea is much more
real. WE were the purpose behind the Big Bang. All of the trillions of galaxies
and stars were created in order for our existence. “Worlds without number have
I created.” <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">HE </i></b>created; not chance. But why?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
FOR US. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I mentioned in a previous post that our passion is what
mainly sets us apart from all other life, but it’s obviously not the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">only </i>thing. I think of our passion as
something that comes with our spirit, and that wasn’t necessarily created in
this physical world (maybe it was; the concept of the creation of our “spirit”
still leaves me mind-boggled). But we can also think and reason and make
choices when no other creature can. Our ability to create things is proof
enough that we have divine worth. The immense difference between us and other “intelligent”
life is incomprehensible. I don’t know what the next “most intelligent” species
is, but I think there’s a good chance that it actually IS monkeys (I mean, we’ve
found a way to communicate with them for heaven’s sake). So it would seem that
we may have actually evolved from monkeys. But, how can we then say that we
were created in the image of God?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We were created in His image, but maybe it took a long time
for us to get to that point. I don’t know if it says <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">anywhere</i> that our creation was achieved in an instant. In the
documentary, they talk about the “cosmic calendar,” where it puts all of time,
from the Big Bang to the present day, into one calendar year. Everything we
know, everything we read in history books about people who have once lived,
happened in the final SECOND of that “year” of creation. Biblically, we have
only been a species for thousands of years. So what about the dinosaurs? I
mean, the bones are there and they’re super old, so how were <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">they </i>created and why? Well, maybe God was
just giving us something to keep us busy and occupy our time. I don’t know. But
I don’t believe that it proves that God is not real, nor does it prove that
evolution is not real. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I was told by one of my religion teachers that God still has
to obey the rules of nature that are set for us. If that’s true, then it all
makes sense! Evolution would’ve just been a necessary part of the creation of
our <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">bodies. </i>But I believe that God
started our <u>spiritual</u> “timeline” at the creation of Adam and Eve. How
does that explain our prehistoric, cavemen ancestors? Maybe they just didn’t
have the luxury of having a spirit. But at the point that Adam and Eve were
created, the creation of our bodies was complete, OUR existence began, and our
purpose was revealed. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Russell M. Nelson said in a conference talk, “could an
explosion in a printing shop produce a dictionary?” Understand that I’m not
questioning his authority as a leader of the church. He’s right; saying that
some chance explosion created who we are today and the complexity of our bodies
and its regenerative properties is most ridiculous if you don’t include a
divine creator in the equation.<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> </i>There
is no way that it could happen by accident. But the theory makes me wonder if
it wasn’t an accident. If God has to obey his own laws of nature, then the Big
Bang might have been necessary for the development of the most basic elements
that make up our universe and our bodies. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So maybe that’s the purpose behind evolution; it was
necessary for the creation of our <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">bodies </i>(which
was created by God of course)<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">. </i>But
Heavenly Father is also the creator of our <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">spirit</i>.
So I’ll reiterate; the creation of Adam and Eve was the beginning of the human
race as we know it to be today, and that is the point where we were set apart
from other species. Again, you look at all living things and even after all
those million of years of evolution, we are the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">only ones</i> that have been able to think and create to the capacity
that we have achieved. I mean, I guess it’s possible that we could continue to
evolve as a species, and as far as I can tell, we have when it comes to our
capacity to understand things of this world. But I don’t think that we would have
nearly enough time to evolve into some kind of super-human that can fly and see
through walls and so on. When it comes to the evolution of the human race, I
think this is the end of it. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
By understanding where we came from and how we came to be,
we can better understand God and his love for us. Of all of the incredible
creations and beauties of this universe, it is obvious that we are certainly
His most precious. We are His children, and He knows each of us personally. If
He put all of those billions of years of effort into creating my <u>body</u> to
be the host of my <u>spirit</u>, I find that as proof that He loves me more that
I can comprehend. He did all this for ME, and imperfect person, who may seem
insignificant, but in relation to all things in the universe, I am of
incredible importance. Regardless of our choices, we are important to our
Heavenly Father. Everyone is a child of God, even if they are a part of a
different religion or political group. He made the same effort to create <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">them. </i>So love them.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I know that there are still some holes in this theory, but
even in science, we’re NEVER going to be able to understand everything and how
it all fits together. When it comes to scientific discoveries, I believe we’ve
only scratched the surface, which is why miracles may seem impossible to us.
Maybe it’s the science that we DON’T understand that explains the possibility
of miracles. But that idea would require an open mind from both those that
believe in God and those that do not. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This is not doctrine, it’s just an idea. And while I can’t
prove it, I don’t think you can disprove either. But just think about it,
mmkay?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Just some food for thought. </div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00763577266347620603noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4615939913321236965.post-53410199146697756832014-08-03T18:50:00.002-07:002014-08-03T18:50:14.115-07:00We Are ALL Average. <!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Here’s something that
I’ve thought about for a while now. In fact, I first came up with this idea during
my first year of college. Here is where I elaborate.</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In my first blog post, I made a comment about how I feel
when people think I’m smart because of my major. I also said it would be a
conversation for another day; I guess that day is today. I actually get a
little irritated when they say that, and now you’ll know why, because here is
the theory that I’ve come up with: </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">One of the secrets to
being happy and satisfied with life is learning how to be okay with being “average.”</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Well, to make you more “okay” with it, I’m going to redefine
the meaning of “average.” From this point on, you’re going to hear a lot of
references to school. (Deal with it.) </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">REALLY </i>don’t like
to think of myself as smart; that doesn’t mean that I think I’m stupid either.
I decided to pursue a career in Biochemistry because <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">1) </b>the subject and its capabilities is incredibly fascinating to
me, <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">2)</b> my academic strengths happen
to be math and science, where ideas may be a little abstract, and <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">3)</b> if I needed to support myself and/or
my family, I could. I’m not doing it because I’m smart, and it would be easier
for me to do this as opposed to another field of work. I’m going into this,
realizing that there are going to be people that are way “smarter” than me.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
While you may be really good at something, there will almost
always be someone better. That’s just a fact of life. But in my opinion, that’s
the issue; we always want to be the best. That is our goal. We are so obsessed
with being “the best” that we aren’t satisfied with being “good enough.” We
never want to be average. But you know what? I know I’m average, and I’m perfectly
okay with that, because first of all, being average means that there is PLENTY
of room for growth. Second of all, being the “best” means that there’s only one
way to go; down. How discouraging. But it doesn’t have to be. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Throughout high school, I was always so angry when grades
came out because I <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">always </i>(LITERALLY)
got ONE B. All A’s except for that dang B! This curse started the first quarter
of my freshman year of high school. I was taking a lot of classes, 0 to 7<sup>th</sup>
block, so it was a decent work load. But guess what my first B was in…
P.E.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Oh I know what you’re saying, “How
do you get a B in P.E?!” Trust me. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I know. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You want to know how I earned a B? (Even if you don’t I’m
still gonna tell you.) I had a hairline fracture in my leg, and it kind of hurt!
So I got a doctor’s note that excused me from participating, but I would still
have to make it up later. Well, that would have been fine if it would have
actually been healed by the time I needed to make those days up. Surprise. It
didn’t. Hence, the B. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’m still just a <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">little
</i>bitter about it, in case you can’t tell. But it was something that was
completely out of my control.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I struggled with it for the rest of high school. Every time
I got that one B, that little voice in my head reminded me that even though I
was “good,” I wasn’t good enough to be the “best.” Instead of being proud of
myself for getting good grades, I got frustrated with myself for falling short,
and it all started with that stupid B in P.E. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I know that this probably isn’t a new concept, but what I’m
trying to say goes past just “falling short” of the best and learning to be ok
with it, since you did your best. I’m sure you did, but what are you “falling
short” of? Earning a 4.0 GPA? Because the truth is, there’s someone else that’s
better, and then someone better than that person, and so on and so forth. So,
(now I’m using some physics concepts. You can tell I love science. Nerd)
relative to each individual person, they are ALL average. So what, you’re more
average than that average person?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If you compared yourself to others in a small group (such as
a class), you’d probably be able to put yourself on a definite scale of
intelligence. But if you look at the big picture, it would be impossible to do
so. To better illustrate what I mean, I’m going to liken this to:</div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>THE UNIVERSE.</span></b></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="font-size: small;">(Cue dramatic music. Go listen to "The Planets-Mars" by Gustav Holst. Listen to the whole thing. You won't regret it. I PROMISE.)</span></span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"> </span></b></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNO9Z2VnPFdsZrJQ1TXLkY4fA203cKGbNxfpHCRM3fWJYXBv1C5WHR671k7Xa72lMKegQ42gDkPICsN7eOkU4BRdZMlasPzSWJMjzfCQvSW5Mqjk8JNbZqx7hnqeigDSUpRFm6CQk0nC8/s1600/Universe.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNO9Z2VnPFdsZrJQ1TXLkY4fA203cKGbNxfpHCRM3fWJYXBv1C5WHR671k7Xa72lMKegQ42gDkPICsN7eOkU4BRdZMlasPzSWJMjzfCQvSW5Mqjk8JNbZqx7hnqeigDSUpRFm6CQk0nC8/s1600/Universe.jpg" height="465" width="640" /></a></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
</div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
(I just felt like
comparing something to the universe was so dramatic that it needed a dramatic introduction.
Also, my knowledge of astronomy might be a little dated. So if I’m wrong, just
go with it, because it fits my analogy perfectly.)</div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Everything in the universe is moving out and away from each
other. If you were to put all planetary bodies in a straight line, and put
yourself on one of those objects, it would seem as though everything from your
left and right was moving away from you (much like how there will be people “better”
than you at something, as well as “worse”). But put yourself on one of those
other “moving” objects that you see (slash, put yourself in someone else’s
shoes), and you would see the exact same thing. I would seem that everything is
moving away from you, and you are stationary. But regardless of what you see
you are still moving. You aren’t moving towards or away from anything, you just
“are.” (I know it doesn’t make sense, but it does in my mind)</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“This person is moving forward, doing this and that, and I’m
just stuck here.” Nope. That is an invalid statement.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
ANY comparison you make between yourself and another person
is completely invalid; you’re still <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">moving.
</i>So put yourself on one of those planetary objects, and instead of thinking
about what’s happening on your left and right, just consider you; consider the
big picture. You are just like them. You are moving. And maybe, if you’d just
pause for a second, you’d actually be able to feel it. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Think about it. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We always look at our abilities in comparison to what other
people are doing. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Always. </i>And if you
don’t think you do, then I don’t believe you; we can’t help it! Sometimes we
don’t even think about it negatively, either. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“That person’s best is better than my best, and I guess that’s
ok.” Well that’s fine, “I guess,” but what I truly believe is that we shouldn’t
EVER consider what other people are doing. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span>“This is my best. I
have done all I can do.” There. Just leave it at that. Don’t even think about
whether or not it’s good compared to another person. I PROMISE you, God doesn’t
care what your best is compared to someone else’s best, and neither should you.
(Good grief, how many times can someone say “best?” Well, not enough
apparently, ‘cause I ain’t done yet.) </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You did your best. They did their best. Therefore, you are EQUALS.
You <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">both </i>did all you could do, so
just leave it as it is. And because of that, along with my “universe” analogy,
we are all just “average.” So no, studying biochemistry doesn’t mean I’m smart.
And if I am smart, then so are you; they only thing that’s different is our
interests.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
At first, I was going to say “don’t even make goals!” I
decided that wasn’t a good idea. But I would hope that we could make goals
differently. “One day, I want to be as smart as Bill Gates.” That’s
respectable, I guess. But it’s a goal based on what someone else has done.
Instead, make goals without any preconceptions of what other people have done.
Difficult, I know, because we already know what others are capable of, but I
truly believe that this could make us <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">purely
</i>satisfied with how “successful” we are. Take a class with the goal of
learning about the subject. Just forget than there are other students in the
class. Don’t even make it a goal to get an A, because then you’re judging
yourself based on a system. Don’t even EXPECT to get an A if you try your
hardest; just learn all you possibly can. If you do all you can to learn about
the subject, then you <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">might</i> get the
A, but you might not. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’ll admit that I hate that there’s even a way to measure if
someone is the “top of their class.” I’m not trying to negate everything that
that person has done to get there, but that means that thousands of students “fell
short.” Some of those students may have worked just as hard, if not harder than,
that one individual. And it obviously isn’t true; if someone didn’t graduate at
the top of their class, it doesn’t mean that they failed or didn’t try hard
enough. And I don’t believe that their effort was greater than mine, <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">but I may see it that way</b>. This <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">obviously </i>applies to more than just
school, but in the words of Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, “you are smart enough to
make unspoken applications.” </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So here we are. We are equals, just working within our own
capacity, and no comparison should EVER be made. That is such a relieving
thought to me, and I hope it is to someone else. I am <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">equal</i> to Bill Gates, and any other famous or successful person in
the world; my best is just as good as their best.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So yes, I am a Biochemistry student. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
No, that doesn’t mean I’m smart.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I am perfectly average, </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And I am more than okay with that. </div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00763577266347620603noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4615939913321236965.post-19821963978262346232014-07-27T17:40:00.000-07:002014-07-27T17:40:28.171-07:00Master of my Fate<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
This week has been kind of weird. I feel different, but it’s
a good kind of different. I’ve felt like I have at least SOME control of my
life again. YAY! What good news!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But I was writing some of my more personal thoughts down
yesterday that had been kind of a revelation to me. In the process of writing
down this “A-Ha” moment, I had unintentionally made an account of my life up to
that point. It wasn’t an account of things that have happened in my life as
much as it was the account of the experiences that brought me to, and
conditioned me for, this point in my life; but I didn’t quite make it past all
the painful experiences. I was trying to write it all down to make a point to
myself, but instead, I became emotionally exhausted. It was the first time that
I had truly reflected on how I became so intensely miserable, and <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">all </i>of the feelings literally came
FLOODING back. The pain almost felt as intense as it had been just months ago;
it was just too real for me. That experience was not a tiny blip in the scheme
of life. It wasn’t <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">just </i>a setback. It
brought my life and progression to an abrupt HALT. That wasn’t just someone
that I <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">used </i>to be. That <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">was </i>me. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Major side-note: I feel like we oftentimes discount our
experiences because we have learned from them and changed in the process. At
that time in my life my feelings were my reality, and I’m not going to look
back and say, “well, I was just being silly and unreasonable and I know better
now.” If we don’t accept that those experiences were real and forget how deeply
they affected us and made us feel, then I believe we are in great danger of repeating
our own history. Don’t dwell in the past, but remember how it felt.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And it <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">hurt. </i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It was painful, and the pain of the experience overwhelmed
my heart once again. Needless to say, it kind of ruined my day. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But I’ve slept it off. I went to church; I felt rejuvenated.
I realize now that it was probably a good thing that those feelings came back
as intensely as they did, because now the point I was originally trying to make
is that much more meaningful to me. I feel as if it was necessary in order to
understand an extremely important concept that I NEED to remember. I’m not
going to share with you in great detail the depth of my experiences and how
they brought me here, and I originally wasn’t going to share the revelation
that I had (mostly because it really isn’t anything new), but I feel as if this
is an important concept that we could all be reminded of. Plus, I don’t want
this to happen to anyone else, and if someone somewhere at some time can
benefit from my experience then I’ve done my duty. You’re welcome. Anyways. </div>
<br />
<ul>
<li>The most important opinion in your life must be
your own.</li>
<li>The most important person in your life must be
yourself. </li>
<li><span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>The only person you need to live for is
yourself. </li>
</ul>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
(God, of course, is exempt. You
should <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">definitely </i>care about his
opinion.)</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Whoa there lady, isn’t that kind of selfish? Nope. Because
in the process of learning to take care of yourself and your emotional health,
you will gain the confidence that you need to move forward with less stress. And
from that point, you can focus more on others and their well-being because you’re
already taken care of. I know that it isn’t that simple. But even if you don’t
listen to a word I say, I’m still going to say it because I’m trying to do this
thing where I keep myself accountable; if you <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">take</i> every opportunity you have to tear yourself down, you will
definitely succeed in tearing yourself down (sounds dumb, but it makes sense in
my head).</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If you are so consumed with trying to make people happy, you
WILL fail. Not only because you really <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">can’t
</i>make everyone happy, but because in the process, you will make yourself
absolutely miserable. In fact, the best thing you can do to make people happy
is to take care of yourself. When you are satisfied with your life, do you just
hide in a closet and keep it to yourself? Not usually. In fact, you will gain
even more satisfaction when you share it. You will be able to do more good when
you are content with being a perfectly average person. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I feel like I’m just regurgitating ideas that have already
been said. You hear quotes all the time about being true to yourself, but just
hearing it or reading it isn’t enough. It took a kind of mortifying experience
to snap myself out of it, and really listen to what people have been saying. Obviously,
God thought that my opinion of myself was just unacceptable, and I needed to
learn a lesson. I don’t say that with any bitterness at all; Heavenly Father
knows and loves me, and he knows I’m kind of a “hands-on” learner. So he gave
me a “hands-on” lesson.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It was NOT okay that I was trying to make myself someone
that could “fit in” with the average crowd. By doing everything I could to make
others happy, I was sacrificing my heart and spirit. I thought my worth was
determined by how people saw me. I wanted people to think that I was kind and
warm and approachable, because that’s what people like! Positive energy is just
downright attractive to people! But I felt like it wasn’t working, so that
obviously meant that I was therefore rude, cold, and unapproachable. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
For some <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">stupid </i>reason,
I thought that if people didn’t think something of me, I was then the opposite.
I used a scientific process to determine my worth. <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">IF </i></b>I can’t make myself a
desirable person (which would be measured, of course, by the number of friends
I had), <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">THEN </i></b>I would be marked as the opposite; undesirable. If I’m not
one thing, then I must be the other. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But here’s the good part (sarcasm): even if someone told me otherwise,
or tried to pay me a compliment, it went in one ear and out the other. Why? I’m
stubborn; but also because I had no <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">proof.
</i>There was no proof that I was any of those things, so I obviously wasn’t. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And that was just the beginning; there was a lot more to it
than just not having friends, but it was one of the things that had led me to
my lowest point. But even amidst my misery, there was one thing about me that I
had known, but can now <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">accept. </i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I can feel things so deeply it actually hurts, regardless of
whether it’s good or bad. Some may consider this a good trait, but I’ll tell
you right now, it sometimes feels more like a burden than a blessing. Just
trust me on that (but I know I’m not the only one like this. Yeah, you know who
you are, even if I don’t). But because I’ve been to a point of overwhelming
darkness, and have felt so low, I am fully capable of the opposite. I KNOW that
I can offer an overwhelming amount of love.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Maybe, before this experience, I was incapable of feeling
such love. But I feel that love that I’m capable of every single day; it has
brought me to tears multiple times. Not because I’m feeling the depth of what I’ve
been through, but because I know the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">point</i>
of it all now. Understanding <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">why </i>I
needed to have this experience brings peace to my otherwise restless mind. I am
incredibly more sensitive to suffering and heartache, and I, for the first
time, consider my own heartache a blessing; it’s an <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">enormous </i>blessing to come out on top. One day, when I’m back on my
feet, I’m going to be able to use that love for someone other than myself. So I
guess there’s another moral to this story:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The bitterness that life <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">will
</i>bring broadens our capacity for feeling. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I don’t care if you think I’m an idiot for <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">just now </i>realizing this, because in
life, we all basically learn the same lessons. That’s why certain quotes are
really popular; they speak to all of us because they apply to all of us. But
HOW and WHEN we learn these lessons are going to differ from one individual to
the next. So I don’t have to feel bad about that! Ahaha! What a relief that is! Take that, people-that-may-or-may-not-judge-me! You can’t
make me feel bad because I’ve been there and done that, and quite frankly, you
ain’t worth it!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Mmkay. Deep breaths. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’m going to let someone else do the talking now.
This is my all-time favorite poem, and basically my favorite words to have ever
been written. Like, ever. Not only that, but this is exactly what I’m trying to
say. So thank you, William Ernest Henley. You da man.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNyVZ4SbAqZbvivkk9-4rdSJ97wHKbn1Sh9kVJm6P3iG0FZK4xiKZsFfzpTYlbbkIk4M76qAHjF4PWEqjj9eNg3J8GkLhXzsGXAGKpp3HOzj3CINJSaDZCxjlRBKtU6weQVtznef8KFWM/s1600/invictus.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNyVZ4SbAqZbvivkk9-4rdSJ97wHKbn1Sh9kVJm6P3iG0FZK4xiKZsFfzpTYlbbkIk4M76qAHjF4PWEqjj9eNg3J8GkLhXzsGXAGKpp3HOzj3CINJSaDZCxjlRBKtU6weQVtznef8KFWM/s1600/invictus.jpg" height="640" width="441" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;">No matter what happens, you have control over your life and
how you live it. Please don’t give that control to those who don’t recognize they
have it (I hope that makes sense).</span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;">Through all of this I haven’t <i>really</i> changed; I just have more confidence in the person I’ve
always been. The only thing I’m changing is who I allow to influence me. </span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;">Although scarred, I remain unconquered.</span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;">“I am the master of my fate: <br />
I am the captain of my soul.”</span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00763577266347620603noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4615939913321236965.post-10634277568138839972014-07-20T18:30:00.003-07:002014-07-20T21:05:35.508-07:00Behind the Title<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Being human? That doesn’t quite roll of the tongue, and it’s
not quite poetic. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Being alive? </i>That’s
a song; a great song. So it’s <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">obviously </i>poetic.
And I hear that all the time, “live your life.” Yes, do that. I know it’s
supposed to mean more than just physically living, but in my gut, I just have a
slight problem with that phrase. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Physically living: Elephants do it. Dogs do it. Cockroaches
do it (even though we all know they shouldn’t). Even trees and simple plant
life do it, and that is great and wonderful, but people are alive as well. So
what’s to say we aren’t just like every other living thing on the planet?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What is the underlying trait that makes humans different
from any other organism in the world? Here is my opinion:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Passion. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As far as I can tell, no other creature on earth is capable
of feeling the kind of deep, complex passion that humans can, and have the
capability of being able to express such a feeling; it’s simply <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">electric. </i>We can write things that
provoke thought and reason. We can create art and beauty that can open our eyes
to something that we may have never otherwise considered. And we can create
music that arouse emotion we were previously unaware of; if you’re someone that
loves music, then I think you know what I’m talking about (if you don’t, I’ll
talk about it later). But that’s just considering the arts. Human curiosity has
paved the way for developments in science and technology that alter our
opinions of reality. It is our ability to feel passionate about something that allows
us to develop as a species. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But not everyone chooses to explore their capacity for
passion. In fact, from what I can tell from humanity is that the only
exploration of passion that seems to be occurring is primarily physical. Please
please <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">please, </i>understand that I’m
not trying to offend anyone on an individual level. We are all guilty of at <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">least</i> FEELING this way, and I’m certainly
not exempt. But this is my problem with humanity; it does <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">nothing</i> for the development mankind. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There is absolutely no growth that comes from exercising
animalistic values. Being in non-committal “relationships” with multiple
partners is, in my opinion, one of the very basic traits of every other species
on this earth; their goal is to continue the existence of their race. The
difference between us and every other animal is that they do not have birth
control. They’re <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">trying </i>to get the
pretty little lady pregnant. They don’t have the option of getting rid of an
unexpected birth if it is undesired or inconvenient, and if we choose to do so,
that is exactly what <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">can</i> make us
inferior to all else on earth. If that is how we choose to live, then we are
merely animals.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’m not trying to attack men at all, because women are to
blame as well. And I’m not saying everyone is like this, because that would be <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">far </i>from true. BUT, I hear it from all
kinds of people; psychologists, evolutionary scientists, “Hollywood,” and the
common man. They all say that it’s a part of the nature of the male species to
be with multiple partners. The evidence they use is obviously from every other
species on the planet; and they’re not wrong. Like I previously said, the
primary goal of all life is to continue the existence of their species. But the
point I’m trying to make here is that WE ARE NOT LIKE OTHER SPECIES. You cannot
use the excuse of “that’s just the way men are” to rationalize animalistic
behavior. And women, you can’t let them use that excuse. “Well, men have
needs.” No. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You stop it, right now. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If you expect them to act like dogs, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">they will act like dogs. </i>Literally. And you know what, it’s not
just men. Women are just as much to blame. More and more frequently are women
becoming promiscuous because they also have “needs.” I don’t know if it’s
because they’re trying to prove that they can be just as strong, or just as irresponsible
as men, but all they have are horribly misguided justifications. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Again, I digress.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Yes, I’m being really harsh. But I’m just as passionate
about the fault of man as I am about the potential of man. Let me elaborate on
the point I have previously made: To <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">truly
</i>be human means to do more than just exist, multiply, and die. It actually
means taking upon yourself some responsibility and not using your “human
nature” as an excuse. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
To be human is to have potential. It’s to actually ACT on
that potential and utilize our passions to create something. It’s to think and
reason and develop ideas that can influence the lives of others or maybe just
your own. It’s so much more than being alive. We are awesome. I just get
frustrated when we don’t realize how wonderful it is to live like this, and
when we take our passion for granted. I’m sure you all are just sick of hearing
that word; passion. Passion passion passion. Now it probably sounds funny. So I’ll
try to end this as soon as my mind stops. No promises.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In a round-about way,
what I’m trying to say here is that that’s what I’m doing here. That’s why I’ve
created this “public journal.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’m BEING HUMAN. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Or at least I’m trying to be. I’ve been writing down my
thoughts for some time now, but what I’ve come to realize is that there is not
as much relief in <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">just </i>writing it
down; I’m still the only one that knows. I’m the only one that hears what’s in
my head, even if it is written down. I don’t truly feel like I’ve had the
burden lifted until it’s shared. YOU all get to deal with the burden now.
Suckers. (Sorry, not sorry)</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’m passionate, and I want others to see the world like I
do, because I LOVE this world despite its flaws. There is so MUCH <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">good! </i>Being human is such an
extraordinary privilege that I just want EVERYONE to <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">want </i>to be passionate. (You see all the CAPITAL LETTERS and <i>italics </i>I'm using? That's so you know I'm serious. I may abuse it, but there ain't nothin' ya'll can do about it. Just know I mean business.)</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If we don’t exercise our right and privilege to exercise
passion then we are no better than termites. Next time you meet someone that is
extremely passionate for something that you are passionately against, just be
grateful and respect the fact that they are exercising their humanity. Who
cares if you don’t agree with their values? You sure don’t have to love their
opinions, but you should love the fact that they are passionate. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And please,
for heaven’s sake, be respectful of that. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If we can’t agree on everything, then
we should at least be respectful. If we can just stop hating long enough to
acknowledge our similarities, then there wouldn’t be any room to hate. You may
support a woman’s choice to abort a child, and while I don’t necessarily <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">agree </i>with you, I still love and respect
you because I have no right not to. You are human just like me, fighting for
something just like me. You may brush off my respect simply because we have
differing opinions, but that WILL NOT change how I feel. And please, if neither
of you are going to budge on your opinions, then stop arguing about it. I think
the world is plenty full of verbal pollution, and your contribution isn’t
necessary (or mine or anyone's for that matter). I believe bitter arguments
can always be avoided, especially if we make a conscious effort to do so. Will
it? Probably not, but a girl can always hope. And I always will. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I am very hard on what I see to be the reality of our
society on earth at the moment, but that's because I see the incredible
potential that we have as a race. Tigers have always been the same since the
beginning of their existence. Dolphins have always been the same. Ants have
always been the same. They eat, sleep, multiply, and
try to survive. They, in essence, are only alive. We, as humans, have been
growing and changing since our creation. And that, my friends, is why I believe
that we were not just a miraculous feat of evolution. In fact, I <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">REFUSE </i>to believe it. I would actually
be upset if we were just a bi-product of the evolution of apes. Even if I’m
wrong, I’m going to continue to believe I am a daughter of my Heavenly Father,
because the alternative would certainly make me feel uneasy, unhappy, and insignificant. But,
we do have a divine creator; there’s no way we couldn’t. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Physically, we have been the same since creation, but we are
so very different. If the evolution of technology isn’t proof of that, then I
don’t know what is. Do you see apes creating the “next big thing?”</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Nope. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">They aren’t human.</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It is our<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> </i>responsibility
to NOT simply be an existing species. Feeling passionate about something, or anything,
is the <i>best</i> way we are going to be able to separate ourselves from the
rest of life on earth. It's not the only way, by any means. But it is the best.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We are human; it’s about time we acted like it. </div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00763577266347620603noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4615939913321236965.post-84636679891959114532014-07-13T23:03:00.000-07:002014-07-13T23:03:02.202-07:00Let Me Explain...<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
I hardly ever talk to people. Not because I don’t like
meeting people, or don’t care about them, because I do. But you know the
feeling when you first meet someone? I know you do. It’s awkward, and you’re
either good at making conversation, or you have no idea what to say; there isn’t
much in between. I usually find myself in the “no idea what to say” group, or
even, “I really have <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">nothing</i> to say.”
How are you supposed to remove yourself from <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">that </i>situation?! Just walk away? Nope, because that would be
awkward. So don’t judge me if I’m quiet, I’m not always like this.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I digress. You’ll find that I do that a lot, so you should
probably be okay with it. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The reason why I don’t like to talk to new people is because
I just really hate small talk. However, going to school has pretty much forced
me to hone my small talking skills. It’s super simple; just follow this simple
list of questions, and if you’re lucky, thinking won’t be required. You’ll be
able to have a conversation like every other person at this school (you BYU-I
people, don’t deny the fact that you’ve had conversations pretty much exactly
like this). </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“What’s your name?” Camille. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Nice to meet you, I’m Sally Swashbuckle!” Nice to meet you.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“So where are you from?” Southern Oregon (because let’s be
honest, hardly ANYONE has heard of Medford, which is a pity). Where are you
from?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Africa.” Sweet, I’ve always wanted to go there. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“It’s awesome.” Cool. What’s your Major?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“I’m in elementary education!” Sweet! I have like, 20
friends in that major! (No offense ladies, it was just the first major I
thought of, and don’t pretend like you don’t know why) </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“What’s your major?” Biochemistry. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Wow… good for you!” (That is what the majority of
people say to me, and I never know how to take it.) Thanks…? </div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
Or if it’s a special
occasion, people will say to me,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“So you’re like, really smart.” *cue internal sigh of minor
irritation* No, in fact, that doesn’t mean I’m smart, it may just mean I’m
crazy for picking that major. But that will be a discussion for another day. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
*awkward silence for a couple moments*</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“What track are you on?” (I mean really, unless it’s a
man/woman talking to a potential spouse, this question is pretty much
irrelevant) I’m on Fall/Winter. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Sweet. Me too.” Sweet.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
At this point in the conversation, either you’ve found some
kind of tangent to go off of and you might have a decent conversation, or
you’ll wait in awkward silence until you are relieved by the teacher starting
class. Whew. Glad that’s over.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Alright alright alright. I’m not trying to be critical of
small talk, because we <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">have </i>to get
passed it if we’re going to get to know each other on a more personal level.
Not all conversations are going to be like this, and very few are actually that
painful/dull; I know. But I have had this conversation sooooo manyyyyy
tiiiiiimes, I might just stop them before they even start. It’s not <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">just</i> that I’m sick of having this conversation;
it’s that I’ve <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">never</i> liked it. I just
have very little patience for small talk, and it’s mostly because of my
personality. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Note: Here’s where it gets a little more personal. Proceed
with caution. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If you were to look up the definition of an introvert, you
would most likely find my name and picture there. If you don’t know what that
means, here’s a couple hints:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<ul>
<li><span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"></span></span></span>We all now know that I hate small talk, but I
absolutely <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">love </i>meaningful
conversation. I thrive on it. </li>
<li><span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"></span></span></span>Rarely<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> </i>will
you <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">ever </i>see me at a dance or a party
where I don’t know the majority of the people there. </li>
<li><span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"></span></span></span>When I do go to parties, you probably won’t see
much of me the next couple days. If you need me, I’ll be in my room. </li>
<li><span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"></span></span></span>If you were to have a class with me, you would
think that I was super quiet and shy. I’m not usually going to share insights
because I need time to think. By the time I think of something to say, the
topic will have long passed, or class might be over. Just give me some time and
an opportunity and I’ll talk your ears off. </li>
<li><span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"></span></span></span>I don’t open up to people easily. So if I open
up to you, consider yourself lucky. </li>
</ul>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
PLEASE NOTE: JUST BECAUSE I’M BAD AT SMALL-TALK DOESN’T MEAN
I DON’T WANT TO TALK TO YOU. Please, DO talk to me. Just realize I’m most
likely <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">not</i> going to be the one
initiating the conversation. So here is the first point I’m trying to make: I’m
an introvert. This isn’t earth-shattering news; most people know this about me.
Well, let me take you a little deeper. <span style="color: red;"></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Note: Here’s where it get <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">even more </i>personal. Only proceed if you care. If you are simply
curious, please proceed with an open mind and free of judgment. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You might be wondering what this is all about. Why am I
doing all of this? I don’t open up to people really, so why am I making a blog?
Hopefully, with some patience on both our parts, I can answer all of that for
you. Get comfortable. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Have you ever taken the MBTI (Myers-Briggs Type Indicator)?
Have you even heard of it? If you haven’t, Google it. It’s basically an assessment
of your psychological preferences, based on how you view the world and make
decisions. It does not involve the same science used to determine your horoscopes;
it’s based on psychological research. So just keep that in mind. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If you haven’t taken that test, I <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">highly, </i>HIGHLY recommend that you do. It really shouldn’t tell you
anything new. If it doesn’t sound like you, then take it again and be <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">honest </i>this time; it may end up putting
all the pieces together. I had been meeting with a counselor, and she
encouraged me to take this test. When I took the test, and was read the
description of my specific personality, it was not a surprise. I basically
already knew my personality, but I was unaware that it was actually a “type.” </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My whole life, I’ve felt <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">very
</i>different from other people (I’m not over exaggerating. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m saying like, ever since <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">ELEMENTARY SCHOOL, </i>the time in your life
where you start interacting with people on a regular basis). Half the reason I
have a hard time talking to people is because since I feel so <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">mentally</i> different, I actually feel <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">physically</i> different, so small-talk is <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">physically </i>painful. The hardest part
about that is that I could never explain why; why do I feel like I’m on a
completely different level than my peers?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
For anyone that’s curious, my personality type, based on the
MBTI, is INFJ. I’m not going to go into extreme detail about it, or what the
letters mean, so if you’re really that curious, just go look it up. I do,
however, want to share a couple characteristics so I can better explain why the
heck I’m writing all of this (these points were taken from the internet, I didn’t
make up this crap).</div>
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<ul>
<li><span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"></span></span></span>INFJs are intensely idealistic, and can clearly
imagine a happier and more perfect future</li>
<li><span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"></span></span></span>INFJs want a meaningful life and deep
connections with other people</li>
<li><span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"></span></span></span>INFJs are not afraid of complex personal
problems; in fact, they are quite complex themselves, and have a rich inner
life that few are privy to</li>
<li><span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"></span></span></span>Because INFJs are such complex people, they may
be reluctant to engage with others who might not understand or appreciate them,
and can thus be hard to get to know</li>
<li><span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"></span></span></span>They are often talented at making connections to
bring people together and integrate ideas, values, and human potential.</li>
<li><span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"></span></span></span>The passion of their convictions is perfectly
capable of carrying them past their breaking point and if their zeal gets out
of hand, they can find themselves exhausted, unhealthy and stressed</li>
</ul>
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And finally:</div>
<ul>
<li><span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"></span></span></span>INFJ is the rarest type in the population,
comprising of only 1-2 percent of the general population (I’ve also heard they’re
just <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">one </i>of the rarest. Either way,
you get the point). </li>
</ul>
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Welp. There’s my answer. Why do I feel so different? </div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">I FEEL different
because I AM different. </i></div>
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Believe it or not, despite feeling lonely because of my
“uniqueness,” I’ve actually found some peace knowing that it wasn’t in my head;
my intuitions were justified, so I’m not crazy! But that barrier I put up
between myself and the world has created a lot of problems. </div>
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When I’m emotional about something, it’s physical. When I’m
happy or excited, I can’t stop moving. And on the other end of the spectrum, if
I’m miserable, I can’t stop moving. And then there’s everything else in
between; it all produces some kind of physical reaction, and it can either be a
good thing or a bad thing. So I guess what I’m trying to say is that when I’m emotional,
I’ve got to get it out, or else it’ll eat at me. But let me tell you, I’ve
never been able to just “get it out,” and I’ve gotten into a lot of trouble
because of it. So that’s what I’m trying to change. </div>
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Let me try to tie it all together for you. To help me do
that, I want to share an insight a fellow INFJ shared (mostly because they
explained it so well and it made me excited).</div>
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“When it is time for us to speak, we
sound disorganized or awkward informally because we already know that we have
to explain each different piece of information before the person can understand
our points.” </div>
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You go girl. Spot on. I would also like to add this, but I’m
instead of referring to INFJs as a whole, I’ll just refer to myself as an
individual:</div>
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Because I’m incredibly private and introspective person, I
need you to know all the facts so that there’s no misunderstanding. I have
lived in my head for 20 years. I have developed thoughts and ideas that have
never been shared. I have analyzed myself up and down, forwards and backwards,
and the greatest difficulty I’ve faced is dealing with my own soul. So this is
my attempt to become understood. Unfortunately for you all, I have the
obsessive compulsive instinct to explain everything in extreme detail, as you
can <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">obviously </i>tell. I’m trying to
explain my personality to you so you can just <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">begin </i>to understand me. I explain in extreme detail because that’s
how I think. What you may consider “rambling” is my way of organizing the
little details in my mind so I can make sense of the chaotic conversations I
have with myself. </div>
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Consider a water balloon; it’s small, but it has a great
potential to grow (that is the mind. I’m creating a metaphor, just work with me
here). Every drop you add to the balloon is a feeling, which can lead to
passion, ideas, and analysis, which then gets magnified when you apply that to
personal experiences; <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">then </i>things get
real. Everything gets tangled and complicated, and soon, the water balloon is
under so much pressure that it breaks. That’s what I’m trying to prevent from
happening. (I also likened this feeling to an upset stomach, and when you just
puke and get it all out, you feel much better! But I thought I’d spare you the
graphics. You’re welcome.)</div>
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Let me take you back to the first point I made: I’m an
introvert, and don’t really share my life with anyone. My second point I’m
trying to make: I’m more than just introverted. I’m <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">extremely </i>PASSIONATE about everything, and it pierces me to the
core both physically and emotionally. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
love life, nature, people, humanity, music, art, you name it. As was explained
earlier, my passion can overwhelm me to a point where it becomes unhealthy; and
it has. I’ve kept quiet not only because I’m afraid of being over-bearing, but
because I consider my thoughts to be treasures. </div>
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So this is my outlet; my self-prescribed therapy. </div>
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I’m no longer going to let my introversion get in the way of
letting people get to know me, especially my family. I’m no longer going to be
ashamed of being different, and I’m not going to let people tell me to “calm
down.” I’m never going to <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">not </i>be
reserved and private, and I am by no means sharing every piece of my mind on here,
but I’m honestly sick of living in my own head; I can be pretty lousy company
after a while. </div>
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What I AM going to do is share what I love. I love to think
and develop ideas. I love people and the things that have made us each
individuals. I love God and the experiences that have brought me to where I am
right now. And I love America. We are the land of the free, y’all. LAND. OF THE
FREAKING. FREE. That's awesome. </div>
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<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I may ramble. I may
not make any sense to you. I may talk about things that I am ultra-passionate
about that others may feel indifferent about. But at least it’s out there, at
least it’s out of my head and organized, and at least maybe one more person
will learn one more thing about me. And who knows, maybe you’ll actually get
something out of it! I may be the only one that benefits from this, but at
least I won’t have anything to regret. </div>
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So here we are; at the end. *everyone cheers and stops
digging their graves because they nearly died it was so long* I know that was a
lot of reading and it was a lot to comprehend, but, well, welcome to my world. If
people want to know me on a basic level, here’s your chance; people are what
they’re passionate about. </div>
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So let’s do this. </div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00763577266347620603noreply@blogger.com10